Jul 25 2009
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Top Five Silly Airline Cost-Cutting Measures
Many travelers think the airlines have stooped to new lows over the past year as they relentlessly announce one cost-cutting measure after the next to counteract an ailing economy and raising gas costs (again). But honestly, nobody ever gives the airlines due credit for the creativity and courage that goes into developing and announcing their money-saving ideas. Some of these gems are so incredibly imaginative and dimwitted witty, you almost feel like they deserve a medal. So I’ve taken it upon myself to designate awards to the top five silly cost cutting measures the airlines have enacted over the years. In descending order of fantasticness:
- First Runner Up: Slow It Down
- Airlines started putting on the brakes several years ago to save on fuel. Now this actually isn’t as crazy as it first sounded (which is why it only gets runner up) but it did seem a bit ludicrous at first. I mean, we are PAYING the airlines good money to perform a service that gets us from point A to point B quickly, and they are lallygagging in their execution to save a couple of bucks. The truth behind this measure is that it actually saves them a boatload of cash. United Airlines estimates savings to be around $20 million a year just by slowing their aircraft down a bit. Jet blue adds a mere two minutes to each flight, saving $13.6 million per year.
- Second Runner Up: Fat Up-charge
- United took the plunge in implementing a fat tax policy back in April when they announced that passengers who could not fit into their seats, buckle their belts (with an extender), or put down their armrests would be charged for an additional seat. Now, Ryanair is considering implementing an excess weight fee for obese customers in response to an outcry of support (over 30,000 people are in favor of the tax) when they posed the question on their website. I listed this in the runner up category because while it seems a bit unnecessary and cruel, it’s also cruel to the person sitting next to you when you are literally pouring over into their seat with excess folds of skin. Sitting in an airline is cramped as it is even with normal size people. An overweight person seriously throws the scales off (in more ways than one) and pretty much guarantees that all involved parties will have a miserable flying experience.
- Bronze Medal: Standing-Room Only
- Spring Airlines, our friendly airline out of China, figures it can cut 20% of their costs while allowing room for 40% more passengers if they sell standing-room only tickets to passengers. The plan literally calls for passengers to be offered a sort of stool to perch on with a seat belt around their waste. If it’s not making sense to you, try this explanation on for size: The president of Spring Airlines compared the experience to “catching a bus, with no seat, no luggage consignment, no food, no water.” Wow.
- Silver Medal: Pay to Pee
- Another Ryanair idea – and not a big surprise since this airline is notorious for being cheap and cutting corners mercilessly and with a certain amount of glee. It was reported earlier this year that RyanAir’s CEO, Michael O’Leary is considering charging passengers for using the toilet while flying, by installing a coin slot on the doors of the airline’s lavatories. Nothing tangible has come into play following this announcement and a spokesperson for the airline grudgingly admitted that O’Leary might have just been “taking the p*ss” with his comment. I still think it deserves a second place medal just because O’Leary had the guts to suggest it.
- Gold Medal: Hold the Olives
- First place goes to American Airlines for the brilliant, yet simple cost cutting measure they implemented back in 1987. The airline was able to save $70,000 in 1987 by eliminating just one olive from each salad served in first class. ONE OLIVE. Heck, I don’t even like olives. Now these are the types of changes that I think airlines need to start considering again. Nobody is going to notice a missing olive on their salad, but everybody is going to go nuts if they have to pay to check a freaking bag. I hereby award American Airlines first place in creativity, execution, the ability to save money without upsetting passengers, and the ability to think outside the box. Unfortunately this happened 22 years ago. Let’s bring some of those smart folks back again and get the creative juices flowing in this struggling industry. Where did they all go? Google?
